3.2 Complaint Free Zone and More Ways to Manifest
Complaining is Not Chic
I know that you are ready for your life to look and feel better or you wouldn’t have signed up for this program, but you cannot create a delicious life by complaining or focusing on your current challenges and unhappiness. For when you complain about your current situation, you’ll get is a lot more to complain about.
Complaining is a conditioned response to the parts of life we don’t like. Many times, we have no awareness that we’re actually doing it. Sometimes, we even complain about things over which we have absolutely no control, like the weather or traffic. Then we wonder why we feel drained by the end of the day.
Complaining is also very contagious. It spreads, and it brings others around you down. I know I’m guilty of this in my recent past and I’ve made a concerted effort STOP! Here’s why...
The problem with complaining is that it’s the quickest way to pollute your emotional environment with negative energy. Each time you complain, it’s like feeding a wild animal. The more you feed it, the more it hangs around. This knowledge alone should motivate you to stop griping about your thighs or your ex-husband.
Complaining also cuts off all the good stuff the universe is trying to send your way.
Why is this? Let’s take a closer look at the downside of complaining:
1. Complaining keeps you stuck.
Most complaints co-exist with inaction. By complaining, you keep replaying over and over in your mind the experience you don’t want, which creates the illusion that you’re stuck, when in fact, you’re not stuck at all. If you’ll replace your complaints with solutions, you’ll begin to take different actions and experience powerful momentum in your life.
2. What you focus on grows
Not only do you stay stuck in the problem when you complain, but you cause it to become bigger and grow.
Let’s say you are trying to loose weight. You get up in the morning, go to the bathroom, step on the scale, see the number and immediately complain, “I’m too fat!” (Yes, that’s a complaint.)
This makes you feel a negative emotion, such as hopelessness, anger or frustration. When you feel this way, you take action or inaction, such as eating too much or blowing off going for a walk or to the gym.
The result? The scale continues to go up, proving that by focusing on the complaint, what you’re complaining about grows.
Where attention goes, energy flows.
Where is your attention most of your day? To how you think you’re not good enough? Your weight? Your bank account?
Your life is a direct reflection of where your place your attention. This is not to suggest that you should pretend there’s nothing wrong or act like a Pollyanna when a challenge arises. I’m a big fan of acknowledging the truth about a situation and making authentic observations about it. But there’s a big difference between complaining and making an authentic observation.
Shifting from complaints to truthful observations, solutions and celebrations will immediately shift your attention. Also, learning to shift your attention to the areas of your life that are going well, while creatively and lovingly dealing with those areas in your life that you want to improve, empowers you to become a vibrant woman who knows how to live a her dream life.
Life does not always go smoothly. There will always be days or moments when life isn’t the way you’d like it to be. What makes the difference, though, isn’t what happens in life it’s how you choose to respond.
If we want to complain, there will always be things to complain about. If we want to rejoice, there will always be things to rejoice about. The beauty is that the choice is up to us.
In order to manifest your dream life, you must live a complaint free life!
Complaining is Easy; Living Complaint-Free is Liberty
Let’s be honest: it’s easy to complain. It means you don’t have to take action.
Going complaint-free is not so easy, because it’s a nasty little habit that keeps you distracted from you doing your work in the world. When you complain about something, your attention is taken away from finding all the solutions that are available to you. However, for many people, complaining is the default when they don’t know what to do next or they don’t want to take personal responsibility.
This work is about practice. Part of accepting who you are is to give yourself the space, love, and time to grow and learn from this process. In other words, if you complain, don’t complain that you’re complaining! Just notice, and use the complaint turnarounds.
The Complaint Turnarounds
You are human, which means that you will most likely find yourself grumbling on occasion, but learning to turn it around is an empowering tool that will take you from being a victim to your own heroine.
Here are a few of the creative ways to give up the nasty habit of complaining:
1. Wear a hair band around your wrist, and every time you catch yourself complaining, pop it.
2. For 24 hours, write down all of your complaints. This brings a huge awareness to where you are playing a victim in your life and where you place your attention.
3. When possible, distance yourself from complaining people.
4. Train yourself to take action because action = results. When you catch yourself finding fault, use that as an incentive to do something to change the situation.
5. Turn complaints into solutions. When focused on the problem, it’s hard to access the solution. Here’s a sneaky trick that will force your brain to jump into solution mode: use the word “and”!
Here are some examples:
I’m overweight, and I’m doing something about it.
My car is a mess, and I’m going to go clean it up.
I don’t have enough time, and I am going to find the time–I’m looking at my calendar now.
I am so tired of Julie showing up late for her appointments, and I’m going to finally let her know how I feel.
Manifesting Processes
1. Give Away What You Most Want. It has been said that the fast way to get what you want is to give away that which you desire. It’s the Law of Compensation.
If you want more time, volunteer your time.
If you want more love, give love away.
If you want more money, give money away or help someone else receive the money they desire or require.
Recently I read an article about Todd Silva, the founder of Give Away A Dollar A Day, and how he was inspired to make the heartfelt shift from getting to giving.
In his own words:
"A couple of years ago, I was in another one of my money slumps... worrying about not making enough, not having enough, clinging too tightly to what I had already accumulated, and so on... This wasn't the first time I'd gone through this, and so I was finally growing tired of this pattern and wanted to find out how to move beyond it once and for all. I prayed. I meditated. And what I got was that I needed to let go of what I was clinging too tightly to... what I was afraid of losing. It all came together when I heard 'give away a dollar a day' in one my prayers."
"Since then, I've been giving away a dollar, every day, and have committed to doing it for the rest of my life. The miracles I've witnessed, and the joys I've received, have been never ending because of the positive difference this continues to make not just in my life, but in the lives of so many people!"
"I started to tell some of my friends how I was anonymously giving away a dollar every day and how it was transforming my life. They were really interested, and wanted to start doing it themselves. So this website was created to inspire them. Today, there are folks giving away, every day, in different countries and with different currencies, all around the world."
"Give Away A Dollar A Day is truly helping me to get rid of my focus on getting, and to bring my life back into balance through every day giving. My dream, my hope, my vision, is that anyone with worries and fears of lack and not having enough, in any area of their life, will begin to Give Away A Dollar A Day, and that, with enough of us doing this, we will begin to transform our communities into ones where we all actually care about each other by giving to each other. By "we", I am not only thinking about people, but also businesses, governments, and even nations. With Give Away A Dollar A Day, money is the symbol for giving. But the true purpose and power of Give Away A Dollar A Day is to inspire each of us to become unconditional givers, from our hearts. Just imagine the ripple effect... Imagine the possibilities!"
"This is my vision and my dream that... all began with a dollar".
Want to learn more about giving away a dollar a day, check out his website.
While I haven’t tried the giving a dollar a day away, I have giving money, clothes, love, time away and have gotten rewards in return.
2. Meditation. According to Wikipedia, Meditation is a practice in which an individual trains the mind to realize some benefit or for the mind to simply acknowledge its content without becoming identified with that content,[1] or as an end in itself.[2]
The term meditation refers to a broad variety of practices that includes techniques designed to promote relaxation, build energy or life force (qi, ki, prana) and develop compassion, love, patience, generosity and forgiveness.
There are many forms of meditation from quieting the mind completely, concentrating on one point or one word (concentration meditation), observing your thoughts (mindfulness mediation) to walking meditations.
I have a problem completely quieting my mind (it’s something I’m working on) and my preference is a walking meditation and one that I practice everyday. With this type of meditation I just let my mind wander as I enjoy the sunshine, the water (we live near to the beach and I see some of the canals right near my house) and life. I get some of my best ideas while I’m on my walks.
One of my mentors practices complete quieting of the mind every day for 5 minutes each morning. She can pretty much manifest anything she wants in about 48 hours.
3. Visualization. Right now, think of a person you know that you absolutely love. Really imagine them. What color is there hair? eyes? Is their hair straight or curly? How tall are they? Imagine their smile. Smell their smell. How do you feel when they are close to you?
When you picture that person in your mind a whole host of physiological responses begin to surge through your body; your heart rate quickens, the emotions of desire fills you, appreciation, gratitude and a feeling of love may engulf you. This is all done with a simple visualizing of a person you love. That's exactly what happens when you use visualization.
Your brain and visualization
When you visualize something in your mind, your brain cannot distinguish between what is real and what is imagined, which is why you have a physiological response when you think of someone you desire. If your brain could distinguish between your imagination and a real life event, it would turn off the physiological responses you get when you imagine something.
This is absolutely huge and you can use this knowledge to drastically speed up the manifestation process.
Images in the mind
If I use words to describe to you the most beautiful painting in the world, you might get a little curious and want to check out the painting. However, if I showed you the painting without saying a word, the emotions you feel, the appreciation, the feelings you get are magnified, than if I was describing it to you with my words.
This is how images in our minds helps us to attract to us the things we want in life. With images we don't just see; we feel excitement, our desire grows stronger, our energy increases, our positive thoughts towards our desire is magnified, our physiological responses change dramatically. In effect, we experience the very visualizations we are processing in our minds. This is the power of visualization.
So take at least 5 minutes each day to visualize what you want, in detail. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Does it smell a certain way? How does it make you feel?
When I started MassageWorks (my massage business) back in 2000, I visualized how I wanted my office to look like, feel like (for both me and my clients) and I manifested it exactly as I visualized (with the exception of the paint color). I had visualized the wall behind the reception desk to be blue and I could have painted it blue but decided against it because I didn’t want to have to paint it back to white at the end of the lease ... but that was my choice.
Homework
1. Spy on yourself for the next 24 hours and write down your most common complaints.
2. Practice using the Complaint Turnarounds to take you from victim to heroine.
3. Pick one of these manifesting suggestions and give them a try and then report what happened on our Facebook group.
What’s Next:
In our next lesson, we’ll cover more ways to manifest.
Complaining is Not Chic
I know that you are ready for your life to look and feel better or you wouldn’t have signed up for this program, but you cannot create a delicious life by complaining or focusing on your current challenges and unhappiness. For when you complain about your current situation, you’ll get is a lot more to complain about.
Complaining is a conditioned response to the parts of life we don’t like. Many times, we have no awareness that we’re actually doing it. Sometimes, we even complain about things over which we have absolutely no control, like the weather or traffic. Then we wonder why we feel drained by the end of the day.
Complaining is also very contagious. It spreads, and it brings others around you down. I know I’m guilty of this in my recent past and I’ve made a concerted effort STOP! Here’s why...
The problem with complaining is that it’s the quickest way to pollute your emotional environment with negative energy. Each time you complain, it’s like feeding a wild animal. The more you feed it, the more it hangs around. This knowledge alone should motivate you to stop griping about your thighs or your ex-husband.
Complaining also cuts off all the good stuff the universe is trying to send your way.
Why is this? Let’s take a closer look at the downside of complaining:
1. Complaining keeps you stuck.
Most complaints co-exist with inaction. By complaining, you keep replaying over and over in your mind the experience you don’t want, which creates the illusion that you’re stuck, when in fact, you’re not stuck at all. If you’ll replace your complaints with solutions, you’ll begin to take different actions and experience powerful momentum in your life.
2. What you focus on grows
Not only do you stay stuck in the problem when you complain, but you cause it to become bigger and grow.
Let’s say you are trying to loose weight. You get up in the morning, go to the bathroom, step on the scale, see the number and immediately complain, “I’m too fat!” (Yes, that’s a complaint.)
This makes you feel a negative emotion, such as hopelessness, anger or frustration. When you feel this way, you take action or inaction, such as eating too much or blowing off going for a walk or to the gym.
The result? The scale continues to go up, proving that by focusing on the complaint, what you’re complaining about grows.
Where attention goes, energy flows.
Where is your attention most of your day? To how you think you’re not good enough? Your weight? Your bank account?
Your life is a direct reflection of where your place your attention. This is not to suggest that you should pretend there’s nothing wrong or act like a Pollyanna when a challenge arises. I’m a big fan of acknowledging the truth about a situation and making authentic observations about it. But there’s a big difference between complaining and making an authentic observation.
Shifting from complaints to truthful observations, solutions and celebrations will immediately shift your attention. Also, learning to shift your attention to the areas of your life that are going well, while creatively and lovingly dealing with those areas in your life that you want to improve, empowers you to become a vibrant woman who knows how to live a her dream life.
Life does not always go smoothly. There will always be days or moments when life isn’t the way you’d like it to be. What makes the difference, though, isn’t what happens in life it’s how you choose to respond.
If we want to complain, there will always be things to complain about. If we want to rejoice, there will always be things to rejoice about. The beauty is that the choice is up to us.
In order to manifest your dream life, you must live a complaint free life!
Complaining is Easy; Living Complaint-Free is Liberty
Let’s be honest: it’s easy to complain. It means you don’t have to take action.
Going complaint-free is not so easy, because it’s a nasty little habit that keeps you distracted from you doing your work in the world. When you complain about something, your attention is taken away from finding all the solutions that are available to you. However, for many people, complaining is the default when they don’t know what to do next or they don’t want to take personal responsibility.
This work is about practice. Part of accepting who you are is to give yourself the space, love, and time to grow and learn from this process. In other words, if you complain, don’t complain that you’re complaining! Just notice, and use the complaint turnarounds.
The Complaint Turnarounds
You are human, which means that you will most likely find yourself grumbling on occasion, but learning to turn it around is an empowering tool that will take you from being a victim to your own heroine.
Here are a few of the creative ways to give up the nasty habit of complaining:
1. Wear a hair band around your wrist, and every time you catch yourself complaining, pop it.
2. For 24 hours, write down all of your complaints. This brings a huge awareness to where you are playing a victim in your life and where you place your attention.
3. When possible, distance yourself from complaining people.
4. Train yourself to take action because action = results. When you catch yourself finding fault, use that as an incentive to do something to change the situation.
5. Turn complaints into solutions. When focused on the problem, it’s hard to access the solution. Here’s a sneaky trick that will force your brain to jump into solution mode: use the word “and”!
Here are some examples:
I’m overweight, and I’m doing something about it.
My car is a mess, and I’m going to go clean it up.
I don’t have enough time, and I am going to find the time–I’m looking at my calendar now.
I am so tired of Julie showing up late for her appointments, and I’m going to finally let her know how I feel.
Manifesting Processes
1. Give Away What You Most Want. It has been said that the fast way to get what you want is to give away that which you desire. It’s the Law of Compensation.
If you want more time, volunteer your time.
If you want more love, give love away.
If you want more money, give money away or help someone else receive the money they desire or require.
Recently I read an article about Todd Silva, the founder of Give Away A Dollar A Day, and how he was inspired to make the heartfelt shift from getting to giving.
In his own words:
"A couple of years ago, I was in another one of my money slumps... worrying about not making enough, not having enough, clinging too tightly to what I had already accumulated, and so on... This wasn't the first time I'd gone through this, and so I was finally growing tired of this pattern and wanted to find out how to move beyond it once and for all. I prayed. I meditated. And what I got was that I needed to let go of what I was clinging too tightly to... what I was afraid of losing. It all came together when I heard 'give away a dollar a day' in one my prayers."
"Since then, I've been giving away a dollar, every day, and have committed to doing it for the rest of my life. The miracles I've witnessed, and the joys I've received, have been never ending because of the positive difference this continues to make not just in my life, but in the lives of so many people!"
"I started to tell some of my friends how I was anonymously giving away a dollar every day and how it was transforming my life. They were really interested, and wanted to start doing it themselves. So this website was created to inspire them. Today, there are folks giving away, every day, in different countries and with different currencies, all around the world."
"Give Away A Dollar A Day is truly helping me to get rid of my focus on getting, and to bring my life back into balance through every day giving. My dream, my hope, my vision, is that anyone with worries and fears of lack and not having enough, in any area of their life, will begin to Give Away A Dollar A Day, and that, with enough of us doing this, we will begin to transform our communities into ones where we all actually care about each other by giving to each other. By "we", I am not only thinking about people, but also businesses, governments, and even nations. With Give Away A Dollar A Day, money is the symbol for giving. But the true purpose and power of Give Away A Dollar A Day is to inspire each of us to become unconditional givers, from our hearts. Just imagine the ripple effect... Imagine the possibilities!"
"This is my vision and my dream that... all began with a dollar".
Want to learn more about giving away a dollar a day, check out his website.
While I haven’t tried the giving a dollar a day away, I have giving money, clothes, love, time away and have gotten rewards in return.
2. Meditation. According to Wikipedia, Meditation is a practice in which an individual trains the mind to realize some benefit or for the mind to simply acknowledge its content without becoming identified with that content,[1] or as an end in itself.[2]
The term meditation refers to a broad variety of practices that includes techniques designed to promote relaxation, build energy or life force (qi, ki, prana) and develop compassion, love, patience, generosity and forgiveness.
There are many forms of meditation from quieting the mind completely, concentrating on one point or one word (concentration meditation), observing your thoughts (mindfulness mediation) to walking meditations.
I have a problem completely quieting my mind (it’s something I’m working on) and my preference is a walking meditation and one that I practice everyday. With this type of meditation I just let my mind wander as I enjoy the sunshine, the water (we live near to the beach and I see some of the canals right near my house) and life. I get some of my best ideas while I’m on my walks.
One of my mentors practices complete quieting of the mind every day for 5 minutes each morning. She can pretty much manifest anything she wants in about 48 hours.
3. Visualization. Right now, think of a person you know that you absolutely love. Really imagine them. What color is there hair? eyes? Is their hair straight or curly? How tall are they? Imagine their smile. Smell their smell. How do you feel when they are close to you?
When you picture that person in your mind a whole host of physiological responses begin to surge through your body; your heart rate quickens, the emotions of desire fills you, appreciation, gratitude and a feeling of love may engulf you. This is all done with a simple visualizing of a person you love. That's exactly what happens when you use visualization.
Your brain and visualization
When you visualize something in your mind, your brain cannot distinguish between what is real and what is imagined, which is why you have a physiological response when you think of someone you desire. If your brain could distinguish between your imagination and a real life event, it would turn off the physiological responses you get when you imagine something.
This is absolutely huge and you can use this knowledge to drastically speed up the manifestation process.
Images in the mind
If I use words to describe to you the most beautiful painting in the world, you might get a little curious and want to check out the painting. However, if I showed you the painting without saying a word, the emotions you feel, the appreciation, the feelings you get are magnified, than if I was describing it to you with my words.
This is how images in our minds helps us to attract to us the things we want in life. With images we don't just see; we feel excitement, our desire grows stronger, our energy increases, our positive thoughts towards our desire is magnified, our physiological responses change dramatically. In effect, we experience the very visualizations we are processing in our minds. This is the power of visualization.
So take at least 5 minutes each day to visualize what you want, in detail. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Does it smell a certain way? How does it make you feel?
When I started MassageWorks (my massage business) back in 2000, I visualized how I wanted my office to look like, feel like (for both me and my clients) and I manifested it exactly as I visualized (with the exception of the paint color). I had visualized the wall behind the reception desk to be blue and I could have painted it blue but decided against it because I didn’t want to have to paint it back to white at the end of the lease ... but that was my choice.
Homework
1. Spy on yourself for the next 24 hours and write down your most common complaints.
2. Practice using the Complaint Turnarounds to take you from victim to heroine.
3. Pick one of these manifesting suggestions and give them a try and then report what happened on our Facebook group.
What’s Next:
In our next lesson, we’ll cover more ways to manifest.