4.1 Comparison isn’t Cool and More Ways to Manifest
Comparison isn’t Cool
I used to be insanely insecure. I compared myself to everything and everyone. I was constantly using the external world as a scorecard to judge how I measured up.
Part of this process was looking around at others to show me how I should look and live – magazines, celebrities, “successful” people, or anyone that I thought had a better life and body.
The more I compared, the more I felt like I wasn’t good enough. It was a toxic loop.
I suddenly realized that the women I admired most were the ones who didn’t compare their lives to others. They focused on creating their own worlds and didn’t look around for trends, accolades or any external high-five or ranking. They sauntered to the beat of their own drum. They lived life in their own style.
Signs of a Comparative Mind
There are certain signs of a woman that lives her life through comparison. See if any of these apply to you:
You feel anxious in a room full of people
You don’t feel good enough
You look at magazines and feel terrible
You secretly wish for others to fail
You automatically assume others are talking about you
You constantly criticize others
You’re afraid to state your opinion or speak up
Living life through comparison isn’t cool simply because it denies you the ability to live life in your own unique style based on your unique strengths, values and desires.
There will inevitably be things in life that you are not as good at as your sibling, friend, co-worker or neighbor. Equally, there will be things that you excel at that they will never be able to master.
Living a life of comparison will make you vanilla when your soul wants to be a sea-salt caramel flavor. Live your life, your personal style, whatever that is, and don’t try to be like someone else.
Underneath the Comparison
Unfortunately, we are raised in competitive environments where our intelligence, looks and athletic abilities are constantly being placed in a ranking order. So, naturally, we are driven to compare. We are constantly looking around to see how we measure up.
However, you’re not in school anymore where you’re being graded, and I’m assuming that you’re not training for the Olympics (and if you are or want to in the future, bravo). Yet, that mentality will haunt us for our lifetime unless we see it for what it really is: a mental conditioning.
It’s time to recondition your comparison mind.
Here are some of the ways to do it:
1. Digging for the Gold
There are times when I still experience comparison, jealousy or envy. However, my relationship with these issues have changed dramatically. Recently I began to welcome them. Bring ‘em on, because there’s gold in them there feelings.
Whenever you feel jealous towards someone, it’s because they are showing you the essence of something you desire for yourself.
When I see a woman that I think is successful in her life, I begin to investigate the specifics of what she has that I want for myself.
After digging deeper into what is underneath the envy, I thank her in my mind for reflecting to me a desire. Then, it’s my job to clear the blocks that are keeping me from allowing that desire into my own life.
For example, if you see a woman that you find to be beautiful, and it makes you feel inferior, acknowledge that you desire beauty in your own life and look at your own inferiority. When clearing the blocks, I can guarantee that you’ll find some beliefs that you hold about yourself that need to cleared out.
Yoko Ono says, “Transform jealousy to admiration, and what you admire will become part of your life.”
Remember, jealousy and envy are always pointing you towards something you desire. Bless it!
Equally, when you find yourself feeling superior to others, you can also use the same formula for showing you where you need to be more humble and compassionate.
For example, if you’re constantly looking at other women’s bodies and finding yourself feeling more fit, healthy, pretty or energetic, dig deeper into into what’s really being asked of you.
Whether you’re feeling less than or superior to, you’re caught up in comparison and neither is a healthy place to live, because eventually you’ll fall short in the world of comparison. However, you’ll always find that approaching comparison situations with compassion and love for yourself and others will help you define how to step more fully into creating a life based on your core values and essence words.
A life lived based on comparison lacks joy, freedom and love.
2. Celebrate Others
If you want to shift your comparative nature, I challenge you to begin celebrating instead of comparing.
When you see a woman excel in her career, celebrate her!
When you see a woman make her first million dollars, celebrate her! When you see a beautiful woman walk through the door, celebrate her! When you celebrate another, you open the channel to allow that same energy to flow to you.
If you’re wishing for others to fail, you inevitably wish that upon yourself. What you project into the world is what will come back to you. Celebrate others in order to celebrate you.
3. Focus on Your Own Strengths and Passions
Everything, and I mean everything, eventually comes back to the relationship you have with yourself. When you compare, you’re looking around instead of within. You will be far better served to focus on your own personal strengths versus trying to measure up to someone else’s.
Instead of focusing on skinny when I was given curvaceous hips and strong shoulders and began to focus on those. I stopped looking around and focused on my own unique physical strengths. I slowly stopped comparing and started stepping into my own uniqueness.
I also applied this to intellectual pursuits. I’ll never be a physician. However, I have something that a physician doesn’t have: an immense passion for preparing delicious, healthy food, photography and an ability to show others what’s possible in their lives.
By focusing on what I loved and my natural gifts, I stopped comparing myself with the mathematical Einstein’s and started focusing on how I could make my own impact in the world.
You have incredible strengths and passions. Focus on them.
Manifestation Processes
1. Vision Boards.
"Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -Carl Bard
Comparison isn’t Cool
I used to be insanely insecure. I compared myself to everything and everyone. I was constantly using the external world as a scorecard to judge how I measured up.
Part of this process was looking around at others to show me how I should look and live – magazines, celebrities, “successful” people, or anyone that I thought had a better life and body.
The more I compared, the more I felt like I wasn’t good enough. It was a toxic loop.
I suddenly realized that the women I admired most were the ones who didn’t compare their lives to others. They focused on creating their own worlds and didn’t look around for trends, accolades or any external high-five or ranking. They sauntered to the beat of their own drum. They lived life in their own style.
Signs of a Comparative Mind
There are certain signs of a woman that lives her life through comparison. See if any of these apply to you:
You feel anxious in a room full of people
You don’t feel good enough
You look at magazines and feel terrible
You secretly wish for others to fail
You automatically assume others are talking about you
You constantly criticize others
You’re afraid to state your opinion or speak up
Living life through comparison isn’t cool simply because it denies you the ability to live life in your own unique style based on your unique strengths, values and desires.
There will inevitably be things in life that you are not as good at as your sibling, friend, co-worker or neighbor. Equally, there will be things that you excel at that they will never be able to master.
Living a life of comparison will make you vanilla when your soul wants to be a sea-salt caramel flavor. Live your life, your personal style, whatever that is, and don’t try to be like someone else.
Underneath the Comparison
Unfortunately, we are raised in competitive environments where our intelligence, looks and athletic abilities are constantly being placed in a ranking order. So, naturally, we are driven to compare. We are constantly looking around to see how we measure up.
However, you’re not in school anymore where you’re being graded, and I’m assuming that you’re not training for the Olympics (and if you are or want to in the future, bravo). Yet, that mentality will haunt us for our lifetime unless we see it for what it really is: a mental conditioning.
It’s time to recondition your comparison mind.
Here are some of the ways to do it:
1. Digging for the Gold
There are times when I still experience comparison, jealousy or envy. However, my relationship with these issues have changed dramatically. Recently I began to welcome them. Bring ‘em on, because there’s gold in them there feelings.
Whenever you feel jealous towards someone, it’s because they are showing you the essence of something you desire for yourself.
When I see a woman that I think is successful in her life, I begin to investigate the specifics of what she has that I want for myself.
After digging deeper into what is underneath the envy, I thank her in my mind for reflecting to me a desire. Then, it’s my job to clear the blocks that are keeping me from allowing that desire into my own life.
For example, if you see a woman that you find to be beautiful, and it makes you feel inferior, acknowledge that you desire beauty in your own life and look at your own inferiority. When clearing the blocks, I can guarantee that you’ll find some beliefs that you hold about yourself that need to cleared out.
Yoko Ono says, “Transform jealousy to admiration, and what you admire will become part of your life.”
Remember, jealousy and envy are always pointing you towards something you desire. Bless it!
Equally, when you find yourself feeling superior to others, you can also use the same formula for showing you where you need to be more humble and compassionate.
For example, if you’re constantly looking at other women’s bodies and finding yourself feeling more fit, healthy, pretty or energetic, dig deeper into into what’s really being asked of you.
Whether you’re feeling less than or superior to, you’re caught up in comparison and neither is a healthy place to live, because eventually you’ll fall short in the world of comparison. However, you’ll always find that approaching comparison situations with compassion and love for yourself and others will help you define how to step more fully into creating a life based on your core values and essence words.
A life lived based on comparison lacks joy, freedom and love.
2. Celebrate Others
If you want to shift your comparative nature, I challenge you to begin celebrating instead of comparing.
When you see a woman excel in her career, celebrate her!
When you see a woman make her first million dollars, celebrate her! When you see a beautiful woman walk through the door, celebrate her! When you celebrate another, you open the channel to allow that same energy to flow to you.
If you’re wishing for others to fail, you inevitably wish that upon yourself. What you project into the world is what will come back to you. Celebrate others in order to celebrate you.
3. Focus on Your Own Strengths and Passions
Everything, and I mean everything, eventually comes back to the relationship you have with yourself. When you compare, you’re looking around instead of within. You will be far better served to focus on your own personal strengths versus trying to measure up to someone else’s.
Instead of focusing on skinny when I was given curvaceous hips and strong shoulders and began to focus on those. I stopped looking around and focused on my own unique physical strengths. I slowly stopped comparing and started stepping into my own uniqueness.
I also applied this to intellectual pursuits. I’ll never be a physician. However, I have something that a physician doesn’t have: an immense passion for preparing delicious, healthy food, photography and an ability to show others what’s possible in their lives.
By focusing on what I loved and my natural gifts, I stopped comparing myself with the mathematical Einstein’s and started focusing on how I could make my own impact in the world.
You have incredible strengths and passions. Focus on them.
Manifestation Processes
1. Vision Boards.
"Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -Carl Bard
What is a vision board? It is a pictorial representation what you would like to manifest or be inspired by in the upcoming year. You can also do a Vision Board for a particular area or event as well.
It’s time to collect those old magazines that are just sitting around and .... Dream. Cut. Paste. Doodle.
You can cut out pictures, drawings, writings, anything that will help you visualize your end result. I also find it helpful to use Google images if I can’t find exactly what I want in magazines.
If you don’t know what your end result is then you’re going to have a hard time manifesting your vision into reality. A vision board allows you to know what your going after by constantly reminding your reticular activation system (RAS), a tool within your brain that helps determine which information you will notice by filtering it into your conscious mind. You know it that part of the brain that never noticed Volvo XC60s on the road until you decided to buy on and then you see them everywhere.
By having a vision board it will help reprogram your (RAS) to focus on your goals consciously and subconsciously. In other words, it will help keep you on track and help keep you focused on the end result.
Tips for Creating Your Vision Board
1. You can make one large Vision Board. Or you can make one for each area of your life.
2. You can put a photo of yourself in the middle, but this is not necessary.
3. If you want to manifest things, trips, etc. that costs money, be sure to put money in your visions board. You don’t want to go into debt in order to have the experience.
4. Once you’ve finished your Vision Board:
Put it up where you can see it
Focus on the experiences and feelings you want to live.
Take time limits and “how” out of the equation.
Believe it will happen.
Take Action. The Universe responds when you take action. I can’t overemphasize this point enough. This is recognizing an opportunity when it comes to you.
2. Eliminate the Hows
I’ve been following Mike Dooley of Tut.com for years and had an opportunity to attend one of his lectures in October 2005.
One of the main things he teaches is about letting go of the "cursed hows" ~ how you will attain the end result. He further goes on to say that we need to focus on the “whys” ~ why we want a particular thing.
Here's an example he gave us during the lecture:
Let's say you want to live in wealth and abundance...
Immediately, your mind will begin thinking about HOW you're going to get there. Based on your gifts, talents, or education, you may arrive at a few possible approaches, such as writing a bestselling book, winning the lottery, or climbing the corporate ladder. Now, while each of these 3 ways may yield wealth, the Universe knows many, many other ways. It also knows "things" that you don't know, such as the likely direction of the economy, gifts of yours that you've not yet tapped, and who else out there might be well served by your dreams fruition, and thus become an able companion/helper/partner for you in this quest.
If you insist on your own very limited notions, not only will you shut out the other possibilities known by the Universe, but you will likely put unnecessary pressure on your talents, forcing them to be the bringer of your gifts. For instance, if you enjoy writing, one sure way to begin hating it (and thus doing it very poorly), is to saddle your writing gift with the unnecessary burden of creating your wealth! Why do that? Write because you love to write, and chances are it will please others as well.
Still, you must do more than just dream of the end result. You must move with your dreams. You must live. How? By "doing what you can," all that you can, but not defining those actions as "the way" in which your dream will come true. For example, if you want wealth: Define the end result in your mind or on paper. Clearly create your goal, and understand your intent.
Begin where you are today, addressing what's "on your plate" and deciding your next steps by doing what you can via following your new hunches, instincts, and desires (which are all gifts from the Universe and hardly accidental).
Doing what you can is generally more immediate, here and now kind of stuff, but often people disregard these urges because they seem so futile in delivering the big bucks (keeping with the same example). The trick is this, realizing that you're doing what you can is how you engage and inspire the Universe to do what it can on your behalf. Doing what you can is NOT how you will directly strike it rich. You cannot, through your physical acts alone, get rich, but you can get the wheels and the magic of the Universe turning in your favor, at which point you can become rich beyond your wildest dreams.
Always, there must be a faith and a recognition of the Universe and its ways. Deciding or fretting over the HOW'S negates any such beliefs, whereas doing what you can, reinforces and demonstrates the faith that you will be met half way.
3. Start a Gratitude Journal. Take 5 or 10 minutes each day to write down a few things that you appreciate about your day. They can be big things or small.
“Whatever we think about and thank about we bring about.” ~Dr John Demartini
Thank you.
I am grateful.
It’s quite amazing the potent impact that a few simple words can have.
Saying thank you or expressing gratitude in any way is one of the simplest and most fundamental ways in which you can almost immediately raise your vibration and, in turn, hasten the process of manifestation.
Thoughts of gratitude automatically put you in tune with a giving universal energy. The more grateful you are, the more aligned you are with this energy. When you are expressing gratitude for the good things in your life, your manifesting power is focused on finding the positive and consequently, your energy will naturally rise to a more positive vibration.
The more that you can appreciate the good things, the more good things you’ll receive and the more rapidly they will come to you. The simple reason is that the feeling of gratitude and appreciation resonates at a very high vibration, one that magnetically draws more good into your physical reality very quickly.
Positive thoughts vibrate on an entirely different frequency than negative thoughts. Appreciation, gratitude and love are the highest forms of vibration. Since you can only have one vibration at a time, if you’re busy noticing what you appreciate and what you are grateful for, you can’t also be noticing what you don’t like.
When you offer thoughts of gratitude and appreciation, you’re offering positive thoughts and a positive energetic vibration that will inevitably start to attract the things that you desire.
The key to having success with manifesting your desires is found in cultivating a regular practice of gratitude.
Homework
1. Think about someone you envy or a situation that has ignited jealousy. What is he/she showing you that you want for yourself? What are the blocks you have against allowing this desire into your life? Thank the person for showing you something that you want for yourself.
2. Write out a list of your own unique gifts and strengths.
3. Pick one of these manifesting suggestions and give them a try and then report what happened on our Facebook group.
What’s Next:
In our next lesson, we’ll cover Asking Yourself Empowering Questions and and more ways to manifest.
It’s time to collect those old magazines that are just sitting around and .... Dream. Cut. Paste. Doodle.
You can cut out pictures, drawings, writings, anything that will help you visualize your end result. I also find it helpful to use Google images if I can’t find exactly what I want in magazines.
If you don’t know what your end result is then you’re going to have a hard time manifesting your vision into reality. A vision board allows you to know what your going after by constantly reminding your reticular activation system (RAS), a tool within your brain that helps determine which information you will notice by filtering it into your conscious mind. You know it that part of the brain that never noticed Volvo XC60s on the road until you decided to buy on and then you see them everywhere.
By having a vision board it will help reprogram your (RAS) to focus on your goals consciously and subconsciously. In other words, it will help keep you on track and help keep you focused on the end result.
Tips for Creating Your Vision Board
1. You can make one large Vision Board. Or you can make one for each area of your life.
2. You can put a photo of yourself in the middle, but this is not necessary.
3. If you want to manifest things, trips, etc. that costs money, be sure to put money in your visions board. You don’t want to go into debt in order to have the experience.
4. Once you’ve finished your Vision Board:
Put it up where you can see it
Focus on the experiences and feelings you want to live.
Take time limits and “how” out of the equation.
Believe it will happen.
Take Action. The Universe responds when you take action. I can’t overemphasize this point enough. This is recognizing an opportunity when it comes to you.
2. Eliminate the Hows
I’ve been following Mike Dooley of Tut.com for years and had an opportunity to attend one of his lectures in October 2005.
One of the main things he teaches is about letting go of the "cursed hows" ~ how you will attain the end result. He further goes on to say that we need to focus on the “whys” ~ why we want a particular thing.
Here's an example he gave us during the lecture:
Let's say you want to live in wealth and abundance...
Immediately, your mind will begin thinking about HOW you're going to get there. Based on your gifts, talents, or education, you may arrive at a few possible approaches, such as writing a bestselling book, winning the lottery, or climbing the corporate ladder. Now, while each of these 3 ways may yield wealth, the Universe knows many, many other ways. It also knows "things" that you don't know, such as the likely direction of the economy, gifts of yours that you've not yet tapped, and who else out there might be well served by your dreams fruition, and thus become an able companion/helper/partner for you in this quest.
If you insist on your own very limited notions, not only will you shut out the other possibilities known by the Universe, but you will likely put unnecessary pressure on your talents, forcing them to be the bringer of your gifts. For instance, if you enjoy writing, one sure way to begin hating it (and thus doing it very poorly), is to saddle your writing gift with the unnecessary burden of creating your wealth! Why do that? Write because you love to write, and chances are it will please others as well.
Still, you must do more than just dream of the end result. You must move with your dreams. You must live. How? By "doing what you can," all that you can, but not defining those actions as "the way" in which your dream will come true. For example, if you want wealth: Define the end result in your mind or on paper. Clearly create your goal, and understand your intent.
Begin where you are today, addressing what's "on your plate" and deciding your next steps by doing what you can via following your new hunches, instincts, and desires (which are all gifts from the Universe and hardly accidental).
Doing what you can is generally more immediate, here and now kind of stuff, but often people disregard these urges because they seem so futile in delivering the big bucks (keeping with the same example). The trick is this, realizing that you're doing what you can is how you engage and inspire the Universe to do what it can on your behalf. Doing what you can is NOT how you will directly strike it rich. You cannot, through your physical acts alone, get rich, but you can get the wheels and the magic of the Universe turning in your favor, at which point you can become rich beyond your wildest dreams.
Always, there must be a faith and a recognition of the Universe and its ways. Deciding or fretting over the HOW'S negates any such beliefs, whereas doing what you can, reinforces and demonstrates the faith that you will be met half way.
3. Start a Gratitude Journal. Take 5 or 10 minutes each day to write down a few things that you appreciate about your day. They can be big things or small.
“Whatever we think about and thank about we bring about.” ~Dr John Demartini
Thank you.
I am grateful.
It’s quite amazing the potent impact that a few simple words can have.
Saying thank you or expressing gratitude in any way is one of the simplest and most fundamental ways in which you can almost immediately raise your vibration and, in turn, hasten the process of manifestation.
Thoughts of gratitude automatically put you in tune with a giving universal energy. The more grateful you are, the more aligned you are with this energy. When you are expressing gratitude for the good things in your life, your manifesting power is focused on finding the positive and consequently, your energy will naturally rise to a more positive vibration.
The more that you can appreciate the good things, the more good things you’ll receive and the more rapidly they will come to you. The simple reason is that the feeling of gratitude and appreciation resonates at a very high vibration, one that magnetically draws more good into your physical reality very quickly.
Positive thoughts vibrate on an entirely different frequency than negative thoughts. Appreciation, gratitude and love are the highest forms of vibration. Since you can only have one vibration at a time, if you’re busy noticing what you appreciate and what you are grateful for, you can’t also be noticing what you don’t like.
When you offer thoughts of gratitude and appreciation, you’re offering positive thoughts and a positive energetic vibration that will inevitably start to attract the things that you desire.
The key to having success with manifesting your desires is found in cultivating a regular practice of gratitude.
Homework
1. Think about someone you envy or a situation that has ignited jealousy. What is he/she showing you that you want for yourself? What are the blocks you have against allowing this desire into your life? Thank the person for showing you something that you want for yourself.
2. Write out a list of your own unique gifts and strengths.
3. Pick one of these manifesting suggestions and give them a try and then report what happened on our Facebook group.
What’s Next:
In our next lesson, we’ll cover Asking Yourself Empowering Questions and and more ways to manifest.